


Baby, This Is So Forbidden

by TamiHaru



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alcohol, Cussing, Eren is a piece of Levi's past, Guns, Levi has a dark past, Levi is married to Petra, Levi'sPOV, M/M, Other Characters Are Mentioned, Porn With Plot, Smoking, Smut, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-18
Updated: 2015-10-18
Packaged: 2018-04-26 23:41:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,868
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5025256
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TamiHaru/pseuds/TamiHaru
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Levi finds out that the ghosts of his past are closer than he thought.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Baby, This Is So Forbidden

**Author's Note:**

> TRIGGER WARNINGS: sex, drinking, cussing, guns, minor violence and some blood.
> 
> This oneshot started from two things: I was angry/sad/depressed and I stumbled into a word "hatefuck".
> 
> Enjoy your ride.
> 
> ~Tami

Fucking insomnia.

I take a glass out of the cupboard, and fill it with cold water. The kitchen is dark, and all I can see is shadows caused by the moonlight streaming in through the glass wall. Right now the view to the ocean looked stunning. The moon colored the sea with its soft silver glow. I turned away from the view. The wedding ring on my finger gleamed when I tapped the table. I gulped the water down, and smacked the glass on the table.

“Can’t sleep, love?” a low voice asked behind me. I turned instantly around to glare at the voice. “What are you doing here, fucker?” I snapped.

“You know, nothing. Just ruining your marriage”, he answered. His smirk made my blood boil.

“What could I do to make you stop?” I knew already that I shouldn’t have asked that. I did not want to hear the answer.

“Give a taste of this forbidden fruit you’re constantly wagging in front of me”, the young man with messy brown locks whispered. His grin grew even bigger.

I could always say that it was insomnia which kept me awake most of my nights. It was not it though. The grinning man has been destroying something else too than just my marriage.

“You already know you can’t have that”, I growled back. I wished him to disappear, to stop tearing me apart with his passionate, fiery teal eyes. Every time he came too close and stared at me with his feisty eyes a little longer, I grew weaker and weaker.

Petra was the only one for me, but oh boy how my body disagreed. God help me if Eren found out about my traitorous thoughts. He would be _so_ delighted.

Eren barked a laugh suddenly, mocking me.

“Oh but I can. I see it in your eyes. You’re really easy to read in the end, Levi”, Eren snickered and started to get closer to me. I glared at him, trying to keep my face as emotionless as it always is.

“You want me”, he whispered with a grin. I glared at him murderously, trying not to show my surprise. He god damn knew my secret. Eren still kept coming closer to me, but I moved away from him. He laughed at me again.

“Don’t you try to hide it, honey. As long as I can see that you don’t mean it when you tell me to back off, I continue to torture you”, he murmured confidently. Right now we were circling the kitchen surface. He was watching my every move, waiting for me to make a mistake and catch me.

“You’re seeing things, fucker. I do not want anything with you”, I lied. Fucking Petra. Why she had to go away for the night right now when this stubborn piece of shit was visiting us? Whatever can happen when I’m left alone with Eren.

I love loyalty. I love respect. I love self-discipline. I demand those from the people around me, especially from myself.

Eren was everything else but those values. He was selfish enough to threaten my and Petra’s happiness for his own selfish needs. He was asking me to be disloyal for my wife. He acted as he pleased by his own impulses, and did not care how his doings could affect other people. And he was so fucking two-faced. When I’m alone with him, he does nothing else but try to lure me to his trap. While with Petra or someone else, he’s one hell of a charmer, always smiling and polite.

He’s really just a spoiled wily brat, who does everything to get something he wants.

And he wants me.

“Oh am I?” he snickered, clearly not believing my lie. His laugh made me shiver. My heart started to beat faster.

“You would’ve kicked me out years ago if you really wanted me to get lost. Yet here I am”, he continued.

“Tch.”

“Oh don’t try to argue with me, love. You do want me, don’t you, kitty?”

“Stop calling me with those creepy names, bastard.”

“Right after I have you laying on top of this table, Levi”, he purred, making my insides crawl. I did not stop circling the table.

“Let’s make a deal, love. I’ll have you this one night and after that, I would disappear from your perfect little life. No more pet names, no more close calls with your beautiful wife. Think about it. Just one night and then you would be free to live your perfect life with your perfect little wife”, he said and stopped moving.

“You’re one manipulative little slut, aren’t you?” I snapped. There was no way I would accept his offer!

“Me, slut? Believe me, you’re the only man I love, Levi”.

“You don’t know what love is, bastard.”

“Maybe I don’t, but you can always teach me.”

“No.”

“No? Think about it, baby. When have I broken a promise with you?”

“Last night at the bar when you promised me to leave me alone.”

“Uh…”

“And that time when you promised to get your own place, but we still found you lazing around our house.”

“But this is different!”

“How?”

“I’m serious about this, Levi.” he whispered. I glared at him, trying to find a lie from his eyes. I found none. He stared back at me with sincere eyes.

“Petra would never know”, he whispered and smiled. Not that devious grin, but an alluring smile.

_Petra would never know._

Wait, why am I even considering this?

I noticed the half empty bottle of whiskey Hanji had left on the table last night. I instantly took it and yanked it open. I took a large gulp straight from the bottle, feeling the familiar burn in my body whiskey causes. Eren dared to step closer to me, but I glared at him. He stopped, and I took another gulp of whiskey.

Again, why do I even consider this whole thing? I had Petra, and Eren could just fuck off. I was happy without him.

“Don’t drink too much, love. I could make you feel so good. Too much whiskey would ruin it for you”, Eren whispered, daring to take another step.

_Make you feel good._

I turned my face away from him.

“Do you know the feeling when your mind screams you not to do it, but your heart or body screams you to get on with it? Like there was two different powers pulling you apart”, I whispered and drank more whiskey. I heard Eren moving closer, but did nothing to stop it.

“No I don’t. Mainly because I only listen to my heart. Screw the logic.” he murmured a little closer. I snorted. I should’ve known that. This brat was a victim of his own impulses: he did not think twice before doing something.

“I don’t understand you”, I admitted. Eren only snorted. “Me neither”. I took my last gulp of whiskey, and set the bottle near the sink. Both of us were silent, waiting for something.

I avoided glancing at Eren, and just leaned to the same kitchen surface we were circling around a moment ago.

My body was humming from forbidden anticipation and whiskey. I lifted myself up to sit on the surface, still not looking at Eren. Soon he took the last steps and stood in front of me. “Last chance to say no, baby”, he whispered and traced my arm with his fingertips. I tried to hide the shivers he made running on my back.

“Remember Eren. I just want you out of my system”, I murmured, still staring away from him. I saw him smile from the corner of my eye.

“Okay”, he murmured, and gently tugged my thighs apart. He stepped even closer to me and my inner thighs touched his hips. He started to trace my neck with his lips, licking, biting and kissing it.

“No marks or the only thing you’re going to get is a black eye”, I whispered and tried to keep myself in control. Eren only giggled, but did not answer anything.

Only thing I could care about was Petra, and how much of a pig I felt while doing this. I could easily push Eren away, but I couldn’t do it.

Eren’s strong hands trailed my sides, and his lips moved across my neck. I tried not to squeeze his hips with my thighs, and tried to keep myself under control. It’s just that Eren was making it really difficult.

I stared out of the window mind black of regret and disappointment, when Eren gripped my jaw and made me look at him.

“You seem distracted”, he purred, and started to trace my bottom lip with his thumb. I took my time to answer, and just stared at his teal eyes which were swimming with different powerful emotions. He was so close that I smelled the dark berry soap.

“Mind if I give you some advice, love?” Eren whispered and licked his slightly chapped lips. I opened my mouth to say that I did not need any advices from him, but he put a finger on my lips to shush me down. “It’s just that you should try to enjoy this too”, he purred. I didn’t move a muscle though.

“I know you want to”, he tried again and kissed my jaw. I gritted my teeth, trying not to give in to temptation. Eren trailed his lips all over my neck and jaw, making me grip the table harder. His hands moved behind me, one slipping under my shirt and another gently gripping my hair.

My body was enjoying this, but my mind was screaming for me to stop.

What made me answer to Eren’s touch was my heart. Everyone knows that my heart belongs to Petra. It’s just that this teal eyed monster made his home on my heart’s darkest corner. I have been hoping this for a while. My darkest secret is that I enjoy this mess. I enjoy my time being the selfish little bastard my family taught me to be.

It was only with Eren that I could free my dirtiest secrets for someone else to see. With Eren I could be the little slut I have always secretly wanted to be.

“Gh!” I cried out, when Eren pulled my hair to get better access for my neck. He was pushing all the right buttons, like this wasn’t really the first time he was touching me. Certainly this was not his first time with a man, but I couldn’t help but wonder how he knew all my weak spots.

His dark chuckle because of my accidental moan made me snap. I gripped him from his hair, and pulled his face down for a bruising kiss.

His lips tasted like candy. I felt him smirk against my lips, but I was sick of his arrogance. I kissed him with all the bottled up hate and lust I felt for him. I nibbled his lower lip, trying to make him open his mouth. He deprived me from the little power I had earned with the kiss by tugging my hair harder and grinding himself against me. I opened my mouth for a moan, and Eren took the chance. I felt his sweet tasting tongue in my mouth, exploring every nook of it. I tried to fight the dominance, but it was no use. My body was burning with excitement and was not ashamed to show it by accidental groans. God damn I’m ashamed of myself.

I was wallowing in my shame while Eren was giggling. He left my bruised lips alone and started nipping at my neck. I dragged my fingers down the back of his neck while starting to enjoy this kind of attention. My other hand moved up and down his side. Suddenly Eren nipped at my weak spot, making me arch my body over the kitchen surface. His hand left my hair, and found my pants. He opened my pants’ button and zipper. After that I felt his hand on the front area of my boxers, eagerly feeling what was under the soft fabric. I was panting, and his touches made me groan and shake even more.

“Have you already decided how you want me to take you? Here? On the table, against the wall or in your bedroom?” Eren murmured against my ear and licked it. “Tch. How long you’re the one who gets to shove it in my ass?” I growl, clearly not happy with Eren’s decision. In a flash Eren had me turned around cheek against the cold marble counter and ass in the air. I tried to struggle free, but Eren had an iron grip on my arms. “Well?” Eren whispered with a dark chuckle. “I don’t fucking care!” I growled for a warning. Eren pressed himself against my back and sank his hand in my pants. “If you don’t care how I’ll take you, then you don’t mind if I take you right here.” he growled and started to tear my pants down. I suppressed my moans at that. He had sounded so god damn hot while saying something like that.

My mind and body continued their fight for the whole time Eren was digging up the lube from his back pocket. My mind continued screaming me to stop, fight Eren off of me, but my body was begging me to not move away. Instead, my body wanted me to touch Eren. More, more of this bliss!

Well, it was quite hard to touch someone who was holding me against a table.

Seems like Eren was not a patient lover. My mind turned into a mess when I felt his cold lubed up fingertips near my asshole. I panted and waited him to get on with it. His fingers circled my hole, warming up the lube. I felt his lips on my shoulder. “Do you have any idea how long I have been waiting for this?" he whispered tone dark like my deepest secrets. I felt one of his fingers slip in, making slow movements. His other hand was jerking me out, and together with the other hand, I was turning into embarrassing, panting, constantly moaning mess.

“For a while I guess”, I answered moving my hands on the marble surface. It was starting to irk me up because I couldn’t see Eren’s face, which was probably falling piece by piece with the bliss of sex. “For god damn long, Levi”, Eren growled suddenly, and added another finger. I sensed his frustration with me, which was kind of amusing. “You know what, brat? If you’re so irked up with me, get on with the fucking already. I’m not made of glass, bastard”, I chuckled. “As you wish, love”, Eren hummed and removed both of his hands from me. I heard him brush his hands on his pants, and open the lube again. My body was humming with anticipation, waiting to be fucked. I drew circles absentmindedly on the cold surface.

Didn’t think my life would come to this. No one warned me from this fact that your body would never be satisfied with the same things as your heart and mind.

Suddenly Eren lifted my head from the counter, and put his hand in front of my eyes so that I couldn’t see shit. I leaned against my arms, when I felt Eren’s dick poke me near my asshole. I felt his wet breath climb up my spine, making me arch my back unintentionally. “I have been waiting to do this right from the first time I laid my eyes on you”, he growled and pushed right into me. My breath was stolen by the dick in my ass and the dark words he had said. The guilt and regret was washed out of my head with tidal wave of pain and pleasure.

“From the moment I saw you dancing in the club with Petra like some fucking royal couple”, Eren hissed. He started moving slowly, making me see white for a moment. “From the moment I offered you a smoke”, Eren chuckled while fucking me. I still couldn’t see shit, but it kind of made everything more intriguing. Me going blind made my other senses go overdrive, making the passion even more burning.

“No, from even further than that. _When I was just a brat and you gorgeous were hanging out in a smoky bar.”_ Eren growled, moving faster and making me forget instantly what he had just said. My body was burning with passion, threatening to consume me whole. I couldn’t stop my moans from spilling out, making Eren groan too. “But I guess it doesn’t matter anymore. I have you now.”

“You only have my ass to fuck, nothing more Eren”, I growled through gritted teeth. Speaking and thinking straight was becoming impossible right about- “AH!” now. “Through the ass to your heart”, Eren giggled, and hit again that part in my ass which made me see stars. I was just opening my mouth to say how ridiculous he was, but it turned out to be impossible.

Eren’s dick hit me to that same part over and over again, making me tip even closer to my release. “Ah, keep doing that and I’m going to spill my juice”, I groaned through pathetic moans. Few more thrusts and Eren surprised me by pulling out of me. The hand disappeared from my eyes. “I want to see the face you make when you go to oblivion”, Eren growled, turning me around. He lifted me on the kitchen surface, and made me spread my legs. I obeyed while glaring at him. He positioned himself between my thighs, ready to bury himself in me again. When he lifted his eyes to look at mine, I was stunned for a moment.

There was so much feelings in his eyes. Passion, lust and the thirst for life were the ones I instantly recognized. But there was something else not so noticeable. Something dark and sad. His stare makes me want to play a god damn detective and find out what exactly is going in Eren’s mind, and life. Is there anything else than the overwhelming passion to shove his dick up my ass going on in his head?

His eyes changed suddenly. That was the only forewarning I got when he thrusted in me. I was left gasping for air at the sudden movement. Eren started moving right away, making the same threatening flame of passion lit my whole body in flames. The flame never disappeared. My eyes were blurred with unshed tears, that intense he was with his thrusts. I felt his mouth kiss its way from my chest to near my ear. _“Imagine how happy I was that I had found you again, but how betrayed I felt when I saw you in the hands of someone other than me.”_ his words did not make sense to me, fading out in the flames of my pleasure.

 _“I once saw you and Petra in your bedroom. Buried in the covers and pillows, bodies dancing in the mist of love. It hurt me, it made me jealous. Her tiny hands touching something that was once mine.”_ Eren growled and thrusted in me just the right way, hitting the spot which made me scream. My body was on fire, making me unable to concentrate on anything else than the raw pleasure.

I was moaning Eren’s name again and again when he hit that spot over and over again. My body was writhing in his hold, tears leaking from my eyes. Eren had gripped my dripping length on his hand, jerking it a few times until I was coming. I heard a scream and my throat felt raw. A second after Eren’s thrusts stopped and he spilled himself in me. “Trust me Levi, I’m ready to bring you pleasure just as strong like this over and over again, if you just let me.” I heard him murmur against my lips just before he kissed me.

I tasted the blood in his mouth. He had most likely bitten his lip while coming. I felt the slight ache his tight grip had left on my hips. After the bruising kiss I saw those same teal eyes void of any lust and passion. No lights, just dark.

“You know I love you? You know I care about you? More than Petra ever could”, he whispered, all the arrogance gone from his voice. I straightened up in front of him, bringing my shaking hands on his cheeks. Eren was breathing heavily, sudden tears spilling from his eyes. I was stunned by this, monster of a man showing his flaws and tears.

“You over emotional brat. Remember your promise”, I muttered back with an aching throat. I saw him wince, like my blunt words were really a straight hit in his face. The words were just the truth that needed no sugarcoating.

I swept the tears away from his cheeks with my thumb.

Eren escaped my hands after that.

He pulled out of me and started to look for napkins. Both of us said nothing while he cleaned us off. I started to seriously crave for a smoke, regardless of the fact that I hadn’t had a smoke for years. I hopped off from the kitchen surface and kicked off my come stained pants. Walking just a few meters to get the whiskey was really hard. I wobbled back, and hopped on to sit on the same place than before.

I took a long gulp from the bottle, relaxing instantly when I felt the burning of the alcohol. Eren had put his clothes back on, and was now staring at me with dull eyes. I took my grey shirt off, disgusted how drenched it was with sweat.

I made no move to make myself more modest, so I just sat there naked, asshole full of monster’s come, drenched in sweat, legs lewdly open and dangling on the side of the kitchen surface, whiskey bottle in hand.

Eren stood right in front of me, eyes going up and down my body. I was too angry for myself to even get embarrassed of my sudden attitude. I’m normally not this… lewd. Eren’s face looked like he was ready for another round, but there was no way I would make a same mistake again.

There were no trace left from the insecure tears on his face. That cocky smirk was back. Eren snatched the forgotten little bottle of lube from the table, stuffing it back in his pocket. I took another large gulp of whiskey to silence my body’s moans for more dick. I stared at the lighter and packet of smokes Eren took from his another pocket. He took one from the packet and started to light it. I couldn’t look at him in the eye. His smug look was not something I wanted to see right now.

I stared at his hands instead. Eren lights his cig weirdly: not smoothly, but his hands are in an awkward position.The hands caged the lighter like a bird in a copper cage, protecting the light from the nonexistent wind. It took him three tries to light the cig.

I was ready to lecture him about smoking inside without my permission, but then I saw the text on his lighter.

_Rogue_

It was written on the side of the teal green lighter with big black bold letters.

I have seen that lighter somewhere. Not just somewhere up for sale. I have seen someone use it to light my cig years ago.

_“Need a smoke, beautiful?” a stranger offers from the shadows next to the club entrance. My head is hammering from the alcohol, making me act stupidly. Who the hell in their right mind would take a cig from a stranger?_

_I would apparently._

_I snatch the offered cig and place it on my lips to notice that I have no lighter._

_The same stranger offers a green lighter to me and I accept it. I stop to stare at the name on the side of the lighter. ‘Rogue’, it reads. I try to light the green thing, but my hands are numb with cold. The crap don’t work. The stranger chuckles and takes the thing back only to light it with the flip of his hand and bring it close to my cig. I lean a little closer so the tip of my cig lights up. The stranger whose face I can’t see snaps the lighter off and sighs._

_“So, who’s that girl you danced with at the club?” the stranger asks. I take a drag from my cig and blow it in the cool night air. I glance at the stranger’s way, a little confused and vary of his sudden interest in Petra._

_“My girlfriend.” I answer, heart jumping a little in my chest from calling her that. The stranger chuckles. “Right. She’s beautiful”, he says, but his voice isn’t that playful than before. I take another drag, feeling the sweet nicotine loosen my body a little differently than alcohol does. “Yes she is.” I sigh._

_She’s my dream girl and I can’t even believe it sometimes that she’s with me._

_“Would she scream like Farlan and Isabel did when I cut their neck open?” the stranger suddenly whispers closer to me. I feel the stranger’s breath on my neck. My whole body goes rigid, and I start to shiver._

_The friendly and curious stranger murdered my squad._

_“You!” I shout, but the stranger is already gone. I hear his laughter and see his victorious grin and he’s gone. Slowly I lean on the filthy wall and start to shake._

_Not her, oh god not her!_

“Get out.” I whisper after the whiskey bottle had fallen on the floor and broken into million pieces. “What?” Eren asks, looking puzzled. “GET OUT YOU PIECE OF JUNK! OUT FROM MY HOUSE! OUT FROM MY LIFE!” I start to shout. Every year spent in constant fear and being sure that I find someone close to me laying in their blood someday now feeds the rage I feel towards him.

But my body doesn’t listen to me. I wanted to wrap my hands around Eren’s neck and strangle him, but what do I do? I put my hand on his cheeks and stare at him in the eye.

“Get out. Please get out. Stop tormenting me.” I whisper, and stare at his beautiful eyes. The tears blur my vision when I see his face harden. “So now you remember. Took you a while.” he snickers but his eyes are dull. I stare at him in utter misery and suddenly throw him on the ground right on top of the shards.

“I’m going to get my gun.” I whisper and head to my bedroom. The cool air hits my naked body, but I don’t care about it. The pounding from earlier and whiskey make me stumble a couple time. I open my wardrobe and start to look for the familiar old black box. Petra would kill me if she found out I have a gun hidden in our bedroom.

It’s my favorite little handgun. It shines when I take it from the box. The familiar weight brings memories. I load it and head back to the kitchen. Eren stands in the kitchen bloody, lip open and bleeding on his shirt. He hadn’t taken the hint.

“Levi-“

“No! I have been dreaming about this day for ten years! You don’t understand how it feels like when someone slaughters your mates who were like family I ever had! You don’t understand the fear I went through when you casually mentioned your plans to kill Petra and I had to always look behind our backs and wait when I would find her bloody corpse from somewhere!”

“Yet I never killed her! Yet I never killed you even if I had orders!”

“You pig.”

“I’m just a puppet with no free will!”

He’s right. I was one of Kenny’s puppets once.

“Are you still in his gang?” I hiss. Eren doesn’t answer. I raise my gun up and turn the safety off.

“Love-“

“Fuck you.” I pull the trigger.

The bullet hits Eren’s shoulder, making him stumble. The second one misses, breaking the glass from our oven. Eren stumbles towards our front door, looking for the first time scared and broken.

“Levi-“

“OUT!”

I point him with my gun again, and the cig from his mouth lights the alcohol on fire. Eren stares at the fire and me for the last time, slight wonder in his eyes. “You look beautiful.” he breathes and rips the door open. My third bullet crazes at his thigh.

He’s gone. Not dead, but gone. Eren murdered my family, but I never could’ve murdered him.

I drop the gun on the floor and fetch the fire extinguisher. I manage to stop the fire. I drop down on the floor, few shards of glass sticking on my knees.

He’s gone, possibly dead from the wounds I inflicted to him.

Yet I start to shout from my agony.

**Author's Note:**

> This work was written in 10/11/2015 by Tami Haru
> 
> DUN DUN DUUUN!
> 
> My personal favorites in this oneshot is the fact how my little Angel Eren is not so angelic anymore.
> 
> And how raw this is.
> 
> I edit this later, but thanks for reading!
> 
> Leave a like or comment if you liked c: And if you have any questions, ask in my Tumblr (link is in my bio) or leave a comment below. Thank you!
> 
> ~Tami


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